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Literature Text
Spark of Love
1-2-11
by Veronica
As an only child,
I always felt alone.
The only company I had was
that of my stuffed animals
when all my friends had gone home.
But,
stuffed animals can only do
so much to ease
the pain of loneliness.
For many years,
I always thought that
I would be alone;
I would never find anyone
who would love me.
I would never find
the one who would
complete my heart.
But,
God had other plans for me,
and sent me someone when I least
expected it.
He ignited a spark within
my heart and soul
that I never thought I would feel.
My parents and family
were wary at first;
they didn't think we would last.
But-
it's been seven years since then,
and we've shown them our spark
-we've outlasted their expectations.
We've had our good times and bad,
but we always managed to forgive and love
and let our sparks guide our hearts.
Our skin tones are different,
but we still love.
I have found that the spark of love
does not discriminate.
Though we are of two different races,
I want to show the world
that the spark of love can happen
between all races.
1-2-11
by Veronica
As an only child,
I always felt alone.
The only company I had was
that of my stuffed animals
when all my friends had gone home.
But,
stuffed animals can only do
so much to ease
the pain of loneliness.
For many years,
I always thought that
I would be alone;
I would never find anyone
who would love me.
I would never find
the one who would
complete my heart.
But,
God had other plans for me,
and sent me someone when I least
expected it.
He ignited a spark within
my heart and soul
that I never thought I would feel.
My parents and family
were wary at first;
they didn't think we would last.
But-
it's been seven years since then,
and we've shown them our spark
-we've outlasted their expectations.
We've had our good times and bad,
but we always managed to forgive and love
and let our sparks guide our hearts.
Our skin tones are different,
but we still love.
I have found that the spark of love
does not discriminate.
Though we are of two different races,
I want to show the world
that the spark of love can happen
between all races.
I poem (literature) piece I wrote for the "Be a Spark" Contest, with info here:[link]
There are questions that don't necessarily need to be answered, but I hope they come clear in the poem:
What is your spark?
How do you rise above challenges and ignite the world?
Have you shown another his or her spark?
My answers:
My boyfriend
Our love
Love doesn't discriminate
Tell me what you think!
The firework photo was taken by me!
Copyright ©2010 VJ
This is a reminder, that if you want to use my work for anything other than
ing or enjoying, then you need to fill out this form, here:
[link]
There are questions that don't necessarily need to be answered, but I hope they come clear in the poem:
What is your spark?How do you rise above challenges and ignite the world?Have you shown another his or her spark?My answers:
My boyfriendOur loveLove doesn't discriminateTell me what you think!
The firework photo was taken by me!
Copyright ©2010 VJ
This is a reminder, that if you want to use my work for anything other than
ing or enjoying, then you need to fill out this form, here:[link]
Comments13
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Overall
Vision
Originality Technique ImpactOk, so you asked for elaboration, and I think I can buff that into the 100-word minimum for a crit.
As mentioned in the comments, some stanzas seem shorter. (I think I mentioned that)
The ones that stand out as 'short' and 'halting' would be S2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9
- They are each a line or two shorter than the others.
- I think that by combining some of them this can easily be fixed (not that it's broken...yeah?)
With regards to imagery, basically though I can feel the emotion and understand it by the words you use, there aren't many stanzas where you use imagery or poetic devices (metaphors etc) to show this. Mainly I can understand because you tell me it's so. Example:
Our skin tones are different,
but we still love.
I have found that the spark of love
does not discriminate.
- you are basically telling me that you are a mixed-race couple and love doesn't discriminate
If, however (random example) you change it:
His chocolate skin
compliments my pale fragility.
Still love sparked and roared
into flame between us;
Love's spark transcends all boundaries
of discrimination.
- this is basically the same, but it's showing not telling.
(The old 'show' vs' tell argument)
Also, to end (I've managed 200 words) some of your sentence breaks grate me a bit, example the stanza:
But-
it's been seven years...
The but on its own looks very lost and lonely, as if it needs more words surrounding it.
I hope this helps. Your spelling, grammar and punctuation are all super as far as I can see.